The nights are so long, so painfull, pure fear. To only think about that I have to fall asleep. Just wait untill I've cried till my mind colapse. But all I can think of is how the fuck I could get into this deep shit. I can't sleep. I'm just crying and screaming all night long. My heart is beating hard. I've lost everything I had. What's left now? I've got nothing but nothing. My nights are real nightmares for sure. My days are so painfull that I could barely breath. Just thinking of what's waiting in the dark, in the night. It's hard to eat. All of me are just flying away - like dust in the wind. I can't keep my food any longer. All I eat is soured milk. The pain just makes me throw it all up. The nights are painfull. When I'm lonley in my bed. Everybody's sleeping but me. I feel the lonleyness krawling up on me, the nights filled with anguish. It makes me think of however I want to die, or stay alive. How close wasn't it, that I walked sown the stairs just to get the knife out in the kitchen? How many times haven't the dead called for me? Why do I live? Why am I alive? All I want to do is to drop down dead. Don't help me. It's time for me to find a solution without pain. I should've been dead for a long time ago. I don't belong here. I don't belong at all. The days are just a game. It's when I pretend to be happy for a while... To save some energy so that I can survive the nights alone...